"Nothing beats kindness, said the horse. It sits quietly beyond all things."
Be the change you wish to see in the word.
Mahatma Gandhi wisely advocated for us to “be the change we wish to see in the world”. Of all the changes we might make, living a like infused with more acts of kindness, I think, is a good place to start.
How can we become heart powered individuals who choose the way of kindness, care and compassion, supporting the wellbeing of ourselves, each other and mother earth? When it comes to being kind, just what is it that gets in the way?
For me, the biggest block is feeling tired, emotionally drained and under-resourced. It’s hard to be kind to ourselves when we're running on empty, let alone anyone else. Admittedly, when I’m not conscious of my energy levels dropping, there are times in my house where it's dangerous to even offer me a cup of tea!
The ‘F’ word
Did you know our emotions are the domain in which we drain the most energy day to day? Yet for most of us, emotional balance is also the domain in which we have the least skill and training! I have often found myself wishing my education had better equipped me in the realm of the dreaded ‘F’ word - feelings’.
Think of the last time you felt angry, frustrated or anxious about a situation, how long afterwards did you continue to feel upset and disheartened? Emotional upsets can drain us for hours, if not days after the trigger has occurred, but few of us are resourced with ways in which to plug our energy drains and bring us back into a state of coherence quickly and efficiently.
Emotions aren't the enemy
Emotions provide the soundtrack to our lives, they enable us to experience a full and rounded life. They are natural, normal and welcome - even the not so pleasant ones!
What is important to know is that both renewing and depleting emotions have physiological effects on our body - positive and negative ones accordingly. Our emotions also colour our perceptions of the world around us, and they affect how we interact with one another. With such a large influence on our day to day lives it is important we become aware of our emotional landscape and how to navigate it.
Emotions affect our physiology
If you’re anything like me, you may have developed a not always helpful habit over the years of ruminating - in particular over upsetting and anxiety inducing situations. It’s not entirely our fault, our brains have been hardwired through evolution to focus on the negative. Often our overthinking comes out of a sense of misguided care - we wonder where it went wrong, how we might avoid the same outcome next time. And sometimes, admittedly, it can also feel supremely satisfying to stew in one’s own self righteousness. The problem is however, that even when our particular emotional trigger has passed, if we keep playing it over in our minds, our nervous system can’t actually distinguish that we’re no longer under threat. This means our bodies will continue to run in a state of stress as if the threat was still very much in front of us.
Whilst it’s important to note that stress is not all bad (it certainly plays a useful role in our survival), staying in a state of stress for an extended period of time can have seriously negative effects on both our physical and emotional well being. Science shows that when we're stressed, or overwhelmed, or life is just a little too chaotic, it can affect our physiology in immediate and debilitating ways.
The art of numbing
Now, if you don’t have a habit of stewing, it’s most likely that you have one of numbing - or if you’re lucky like me - both.
Sometimes my emotions can feel so intensely unbearable that it seems there is no other option than to numb out. Food, screen time, endless podcasts, over organising (if there is such a thing!) are just a few of my numbing habits.
Gus, my dog, is my best mirror for when I start to numb out. I often refer to him as my emotional support dog. Perceived by some as fierce looking on the outside, but known by many to be soft and gooey on the inside, Gus is acutely aware of when I’m emotionally available or not. As I start to disengage with life, he starts to disengage with me. He has been my best teacher in demonstrating that wholehearted relationships aren’t possible when we numb our emotions. Disconnection only begets more pain. It’s not possible to numb our pain and sorrow without also numbing joy and love.
The key is to harness our ability to sit with, and recover from negative emotional states and learn how to activate renewing emotions to bring us into greater states of coherence.
Living wholeheartedly - a crucial first step
Despite our best intentions, we simply aren’t able to lead wholehearted lives imbued with kindness when our baselines are ones of anxiety, stress and depletion.
Many of you will know by now that this year has seen me spend a great deal of time training with the HeartMath Institute, and I am delighted to now be a HeartMath Certified Trainer. HeartMath teachings empower us all by helping us recognise where we habitually live on our emotional landscape, and how we can start to journey to more positive and renewing ground.
The HeartMath Institute is known for researching the heart-brain connection and learning how our hearts influence our perceptions, emotions, intuition and health.
Based on over 25 years of scientific research, their mission is to help people bring their physical, mental and emotional systems into balanced alignment with their heart’s intuitive guidance. This unfolds the path of becoming heart-empowered individuals who choose the way of love, which they demonstrated through compassionate care for the wellbeing of themselves, others and Planet Earth.
HeartMath provides simple, user friendly mental and emotional self regulation tools and techniques that people of all ages and cultures can use in the moment to relieve stress and find greater levels of personal balance, stability, creativity, intuitive insight and fulfilment.
There is a saying that we often teach what we need the most, and I am delighted to be able to share this knowledge.
If you’d like to join me as a change maker and introduce a more wholehearted way of living to your local community, I’d love to work with you - be that your office, school, charity, book club, support group or other organisations big or small.
With increasing awareness of the importance of our mental health and emotional well being, more and more organisations are open to providing training and support for their members - sometimes we simply need to ask! HeartMath has delivered programs to a wide range of organisations from schools, corporations, the NHS, military and the United Nations.
Be the change
Please reach out by replying to this post and we can start a conversation and find out how I might best support you in tailoring a program specific to the needs of your organisation
With kindness and big heart,
Camille